Chapter 7: Big Meanie Weenies!
No, the title to the chapter does not refer to an angry mob of sentient hot dogs. This job is tough (if I haven’t driven that point hard enough yet) and there’s a lot that just makes it tougher. You’ve got stress, schedules, messes, noise, your doctor constantly telling you that you need to go to the gym or something (may be projecting there), you get the point. Sometimes it seems like this is a thankless job and that you’re just taken for granted. Well, congratulations, you are. No other way around it, no way to sugar coat it, nothing to soften the harsh blow of reality folks: your job is not going to be truly appreciated by those for whom you break your back for aka your spawn.
The Grumpy Nerd Dad Pro Tip # 7: Kids Are Jerks!
Ok ok, so it’s so much a tip as it is a fair warning, but it needs to be said!
Yup, kids are jerks folks. Not just to you, keep in mind, but to basically everyone and everything. Kids aren’t appreciative, they’re competitive, lack personal boundaries, and can be downright mean to everyone else. It’s in their nature! Don’t believe me? Put a couple kids in a household and have them compete for attention…
There will be blood…
And it’s just not to you! Watch them in a social setting! It’s almost like going to the Colosseum! My daughter comes home from preschool and tells me about who pushed who down all the time. My daughter has this odd phenomenon where there will be a toy that will be the furthest thing away from her mind or psyche, but by Thor’s mighty hammer, if her brother has it, then she MUST have it with no time to waste! And Rex? He likes to play this game where he will spontaneously come up and hold his arms up as if he wants a hug, wait for my heart to melt and to scoop him up, and then loudly declare “OW” before headbutting me and running away giggling like a little imp. What a bunch of jerks!
It’s not that they don’t love you or appreciate you in any sense of the word, it’s just their lizard brain lacks whatever the thing is that gives them common sense most of the time. Now of course every kid is different and I’m sure some of you will be reading this saying “now Mr. Dad, my child is PERFECTLY well behaved and the most grateful child ever to walk in the sun,” to which I say “good! Glad to hear that your child isn’t a vampire!” But no, really, all kids are different and some are better at the manners thing than others, but in general it’s something that they have to learn as they get older.
Which means, simply: until they figure out that they need to be polite and grateful, expect to be underappreciated.
No, I doubt that they will truly grasp how hard you worked on their cute PB and J sandwiches cut into heart shapes, or how they get to sleep in nice clean sheets whenever you do their laundry, or how you sweep/mop the floor of sghetti night (you all refer to spaghetti as sghetti, right?), or any of the back breaking work you do in order to keep the smiles on their faces. They are kids after all. Lovely, adorable, and irrational little nuggets.
So, what’s the point of this tip? Just to poke fun at the point that you’re probably going to feel undervalued during your time as a stay-at-home parent? Well, yes actually. It’s a harsh tip and one that I don’t like sharing, but it’s something that I think you need a fair warning about. It is a thankless job most of the time and even when you do get some thanks, very rarely is it to the degree that you deserve. It’s something that my wife and I talked about one day after a really rough battle of my mental capabilities. To put it as poetically as she did, “you’re doing the things that keep the house normal on a day to day basis. If you’re doing a good job, then everything seems normal and not noteworthy and easy for everyone to overlook. But if you don’t do everything that you normally do, then it becomes noticeable since things aren’t the way they always are day in and day out.” Long story short: Chances are your hard work won’t be noticed, but your shortcomings will be!
Nope, not fair.
Not nice
Not what you deserve.
But hey, we’re in this together, right?
That’s not to say that you won’t receive some praise and thanks from everyone. Just last night, I graced my little dude with an ice lolly (the correct way to say popsicle for the rest of you heathens) and you would have thought that I bequeathed the Holy Grail to King Arthur himself. Yes, sometimes your kids/those around you really do appreciate how hard you bust your bum and those moments are freaking MAGICAL, but for the most part, expect that you will be the only one to truly know how much you do.
But, at the end of the day, do you really do it for the praise? Do you really do it so that your bairns look at you with awe and grovel at your feet? Or do you do it just because you love them and want them to be happy? No, really, I’m asking you a question here because I need to know where my priorities need to be O_O
So what can you do about it? Simply put, appreciate yourself. You know what you did that day, you know how much blood, sweat, and tears went into keeping the house afloat. You know how hard it was to get to nap time without uttering a single curse word.
You know it.
You understand it.
Only you can truly appreciate it.
It may seem kind of defeating to think that you will be the only one doing so, but you need to appreciate the little things you do. Take their smiles and happiness as the thanks they offer and a sign that you are doing a job well done. Heck, take the fact that the house isn’t on fire and you haven’t pulled out your hair as a job well done. Chances are that your kids won’t really understand how hard you’ve worked for them until they have kids of their own. Yup, gotta wait a couple of decades to REALLY get that heartfelt thank you you’ve always yearned for, but we don’t do it for that (that being said, thank you freaking very much mom and dad for putting up with my shenanigans).
You love your family and love to see them happy, so take that as your thanks. What you are doing is hard and amazingly difficult, so give yourself a pat on the back and keep your head up. If it ever seems hopeless, just remember: You will get the last laugh when your kids go through what you’re going through now, and isn’t petty revenge just the icing on the parenting cake?
So, if you’re a stay-at-home parent, appreciate yourself and have some patience. If you’re a working parent, still appreciate yourself because what you do is freakishly hard too. If you’re reading this and not a parent, well y’know what? You too need to appreciate yourself because you freaking rock too. The Grumpy Nerd Dad appreciates and loves you all, so why not love yourselves right back?!
But at any rate folks, that’ll wrap up this chapter of the survival guide. Let me know your thoughts and feelings down below and tell me how you make it to the end of your workdays. My secret: stress eating and long stares at the wall baby. Anyways, until next time folks: stay classy, stay safe, and, above all else,
Stay grumpy.
The Grumpy Nerd Dad 