Story 2: Praise Be!
Greetings my grumpy legion! I hope you all are having a grumptacular day thus far. But of course you are for you have come once more to hear another tale from the Grumpy Nerd Dad! Grumpiness of all shapes and sizes are in store when you gather for my epic anecdotes and boy howdy do I have some anecdotes to share! So welcome one and all! Now, don your most comfiest of pajamas, slip on a pair of fuzzy slippers (wait a moment…is that why they’re called slippers?! I’ve no joke never made this connection until writing this! I can’t be the only person that slow, right?), come gather around the official Armchair of Storytelling, and I will open up another memory.
So many of you know (or can probably assume) that potty training a toddler is on par with riding bareback on a horse made completely out of sandpaper across a desert of three week old cheese while trying to play your favorite country song on a guitar covered in bees. In fact, scratch that, the guitar IS bees! EVERYTHING IS BEES! You get the point: NOBODY is having fun here including the horse (especially the horse). If you don’t have wee ones or have never experienced the joy of trying to convince you’re extremely irrational and tiny copy of yourself to do the business where business is done, just rest assured that it is a struggle.
My little Princess was such a case.
She actually figured out how to do the great number one in the potty pretty quickly. But for some reason, the idea of following up #1 with its greatly anticipated blockbuster sequel was terrifying to her. NEVERMIND that she did it in her diaper on a daily basis, but the idea of doing it on a toilet was just so freaking scary. Toddler logic at its finest. Well we eventually got her to do it through much stress and tribulation. However, this story isn’t about how we potty trained her (though if you want to know how we tackled that sandpaper horse, this just so happens to be what the next chapter of my survival guide is about).
So after many weeks of trial and error, Princess was flushing like a proper member of society. However, she loved how much attention she would get whenever she did it. Gotta enforce the good behavior with lots of praise and excitement, right? Well there was one instance in particular where she got a tad bit too excited about what she had just accomplished…
Keep in mind her pride was equivalent to the statement she made. This little child legitimately thought she just performed an action worthy of biblical notation. This was her crowning achievement that she needed to share with me. She peaked at the age of two ladies and gentlemen!
Now this goes right with my last chapter in my story time saga of kids saying the darnest things. She of course had no idea that she basically declared that her bowel movement was right up there with the healing of the blind, but she heard SOMEONE say that line with enthusiasm and by golly she got THAT excited by her big girl achievement. Isn’t that just freaking cute in its own sacrilegious kind of way?
And, wouldn’t ya know it, but it kinda stuck too…
And with that, I will wrap up this story. Hope you are all having a lovely jubbly day and thank you for giving me a piece of your time. Until next time, stay classy, stay safe, and, above all else,
Stay grumpy.
The Grumpy Nerd Dad 