Story 1: Kids Are Creepy
Why hello there you beautiful grump you, and welcome to the very first post of a series that I’m calling “Story Time With The Grumpy Nerd Dad.” Now, if any of you read my very first post on this site, you should know that my main reason for starting this blog was to keep a journal of sorts for my wee little bairns. It’s all a journal of such for my kiddos to read and laugh/cry/possibly never read because they think I’m totally lame or something one of these days. The choice to post it on the world wide interweb??? Well it’s the 21st century baby! Welcome to the era of over sharing and instagram food pics! Once in a while, I’ll be taking a short break from my survival guide in order to share a story or two about my life as a stay at home dad. These should be a tad bit shorter than my chapter posts, and I’m going to try and doodle up a comic to go with each story so y’all can get a “hah hah” from it.
So pull up a chair, get a cup of…er…whatever it is you choose to slurp down your gullet, and let me weave a whimsical tale for you to enjoy.
So…kids…they’re uh…kinda creepy.
I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase “kids say the darnest things,” and oh boy do they! My sweet little Princess likes to tell me how she’s making ice cream like she did in the olden days, says she wants to eat the dogs tail for dinner, or call me a cheeky chump whenever we are competing in a game of air hockey. Keep in mind she’s only three years old and she’s not only insulting me in a classy manner, she’s doing it with a smidge of alliteration!
But darnest sometimes doesn’t do it justice. No, sometimes kids do not say the darnest things. Sometimes kids say the most terrifying things imaginable!
Case and point: my cheeky Princess a few months back. We have baby monitors in our children’s room for like…monitoring n’stuff. It’s pretty nifty and it’s connected to our phone so that we can check in on the camera to make sure that they’re okay (which REALLY comes in handy when you are basically a ticking time bomb of anxiety like I am). Well anyhow, one morning I woke up to a number of notifications on my phone saying that Princess was up and making noise throughout the night. Nothing too weird, she sometimes has rough nights. So I go in to talk to her, and she gifts me with this gem of nightmare fuel:
Dude!
What the heck?!
What the actual fire and brimstone guarded by the great Cerberus of Hades surrounded by the River Styx heck?!
Keep in mind that she is not a spooky scary fan! She had never seen a scary movie, none of us tell her scary stories, and all of her books are so happy and sparkly that it looks like a unicorn farted all over the pages, so that means she came up with that herself!
Oh, and of course that wasn’t the last time my sweet little angel decided to take a stab at her inner Stephen King. There was a time that she said that she couldn’t sleep because the voices outside of her SECOND STORY window kept talking to her, that the ghost in the corner of her room has a funny face, and even asked who the little girl was that likes to play in her mommy and daddy’s room. THAT’S MY ROOM!!! It’s one thing to openly declare that her room is basically haunted, but now she’s bringing that crap where I sleep! So not cool!
So, if you’re reading this Princess, you say some scary stuff sometimes.
But that’ll wrap up this story time folks. Until next time y’all, stay classy, stay safe, and, above all else,
Stay grumpy.
The Grumpy Nerd Dad 